Category: Life - Coach to Expect Success

It's Difficult Sometimes To Not Be Afraid

6/10/2016

"It's hard not to be afraid. Be less afraid."   — Susan Sontang

This has got me thinking from a few different perspectives. First I look at today. There is a lot going on that I am concerned about. Things about my family, my job, friends of mine and what they are going through, the economy, current things going on in my community, state and the country. Am I afraid? Sure, a little. But Susan is right, I need to be less afraid. I need to start doing things that are under my control to help these things that I have concerns for. Fear is part of life. I am choosing to find some great things from it.   You can too!

Some of these worries I need to recognize that I cannot control. I need to look at them and realistically look at from the standpoint of what can I really do about them? If there are things that I can do about them, then I need to decide to do those things or not. Both choices will have consequences. So does doing nothing as I must remember, that is a choice too.
Some of these worries, in fact all of them now that I think about it, actually make me want to become better! Instead of falling down, crying, complaining that these things are so horrible, that life is unfair, blaming others, etc., I really need to become better in all aspects of my life in order to handle these and other things that get thrown at me. Sam Crowley has said this over and over, we need to become bigger than our problems. We need to become better in order to deal with things better throughout our lives. At age 50 this seems so clear to me and I really wonder why it didn’t appear to me sooner.

The truth is simply that this message did come to me, in fact much earlier in life. The key was that I was not ready for it. Or maybe even it wasn’t the right messenger that told me about it earlier in my life. Whatever the reason, I’m sure glad that I have the understanding of it now. Please feel free of taking this thought and using it to help yourself and your future now. Don’t wait.   How can you take Susan’s advice to heart? What is holding you back in some area of your life? Because of the things going on in my life, there needs to be things I have to do and make changes with, in order to get better and do the things I know I need to do! How about you?

One Thing For Sure - Learning Never Stops

4/16/2016

"I learned about the strength you can get from a close family life. I learned to keep going, even in bad times. I learned not to despair, even when my world was falling apart. I learned that there are no free lunches. And I learned the value of hard work." — Lee Iacocca

One thing I know for sure is that learning never stops. At least it shouldn’t stop if we know what’s good for us. This weekend I learned about strength in family. I have a very good friend that lost his wife to cancer. I’ve seen these losses before for others and it always has lessons for me and for others to learn from and for the most part I’ve learned many but honestly I could say maybe I’ve lost a few of them over the years. Not proud of it, but it’s probably true.

This one hurt too, just like the others and just like the deaths of a loved one that you have suffered too. Finding out part of the back story in that my friend, who I’ve known since 1st grade along with him being the best man in my wedding too; how he’s handled this over the last year and a half or so – simply amazing!

These lessons have pushed me into a little bit more action than previous lessons. I guess all the previous lessons along with this one and for sure the ones that are to come in the future, could all be put into a book. That book should be drawn on often, if not every day. It comes down to this – these lessons should help us to live a better life each and every day! What we say and do. How we treat others. Things that we shouldn’t waste our time on and things we do need to spend our time on. The list can go on a lot longer too.

Part of this idea above from Lee Iacocca is the value of hard work. Things that have been decided that are worth it (and that is different for everyone) are usually things that will take some hard work to make them happen. For the most part, things that come easy may not be really worth it in the end. Through all the ups and downs in life, the heartbreak and the moments of happiness and enjoyment, there has to be some solid effort that is put into our equation of life. Not much if anything comes free to us. It has to be earned for sure.

Another part is the not quitting, not giving up! Having to have faith in our situations, ourselves, our loved ones, and for the most part faith in something bigger than ourselves. It helps so much to have our lives going in a direction towards things that we are passionate about, so that when the tough times hit (and they always do), we can find our way through the storms in order to keep going and not quit.

The lessons I’ve learned this past week or so are powerful. But like I said, so are the other ones that I’ve learned in the past. Now, maybe they are all coming together. Maybe now I have enough of a “reason why” to do some things differently and make some changes that I’ve been dabbling with for years. What lessons have you learned lately from life? Any time you want to share them – please do for I know they will help me along with they will help others too.

March 20th, 2016

3/20/2016

"You + Motivation = Success" - Coach Jim Valvano

Since it is our Spring term at school and that means I get the distinct privileged and honor to teach my Principles of Leadership course to the outgoing seniors, this is one session I always show to my students - some of the messages from the great Jim Valvano. Coach Valvano coached at Rutgers, Butler, Iona, and North Carolina State University - he was a great coach that had a message all throughout his life. But that message got amplified when he found out he had cancer.

I show my students two video clips of coach. One of them from 1987 which was about 4 years after he won the national title at NC State. The other is from the ESPY Awards in 1993 when he had cancer and would shortly pass away after that awards show. My students are then asked to write about 3 major points they got from watching the videos. Many of them go overboard writing about more than the 3 along with adding bits and pieces of their own life stories to their responses. This is where I am usually blown away and find myself in tears more often than not.

You see, this hammers home a point that I've always had as an educator. We adults learn a lot from our kids, our students. It happens to me year in and year out along with happening in basketball too for me. Teaching this course has helped me change my life for the better. It has given me strength and hope to continue on the path that I am in education to try and make a bigger difference with people.

Coach Valvano had this saying in his office. I will now be posting it in my classroom too. "You + Motivation = Success." Look at the formula pieces. You along with adding some Motivation = Success. Success in what you might ask? I think it's success in anything you are working hard at in life. I think it means going in the right direction that will open up other doors that could lead to greater successes. You know, Zig Ziglar and others have always said that Motivation is like taking a shower. We need to do it often. We need to have motivational things in our lives in order to go after things along with having some major-league growing and improvement in our lives. Me + Motivation = Success, many, little and big successes throughout my life. I don't think it happens just once! I think the formula needs to be ongoing, all the time. How do you see this equation fitting in your life?

Our Biggest Obstacle Is Ourselves

10/31/2015

“No one limits your growth but you. If you want to earn more, learn more.” -- Tom Hopkins

Today, there is so much information out there to learn about, that it’s really overwhelming. But the truth is that there is more ways of learning new ideas and skills today than ever before. It really comes down to us and whether we want to learn new things in order to become more valuable.

We are usually the ones that get in our own way in life more than others. No one limits our own growth but us. I just saw the quote about the biggest obstacle we have to overcome is the six inches between our ears, which rings with more truth every time I see it. That’s one for the ages for sure, meaning the younger we realize this is truth, the better our lives will be.

I am constantly sharing with my students and my own kids, to become a person of value throughout life. Become valuable to others and you will always have opportunities for things that will help you make a living and to build a life. Remember, do you want to just make a living? Or do you want to build a life of significance and meaning?

In today’s world there seems to be much more of the blame game going on when it comes time to point out who’s at fault for the problems and difficulties in our lives. There is some truth of course that some people’s choices and decisions, do indeed affect us. A very important thought though is that we do not have to continue to let that happen. We do have the power and ability to learn new things and skills that can make us not have to just accept what those other people do and let it affect us and our futures.

This goes a long as a big connector piece to another (of many) big themes of mine. Find things in life that you have passion for and follow them. Whatever we choose to make a living at, make sure your heart is part of the equation as to why you are doing it. This will give a lot more ways of learning more when it comes to making yourself more valuable. Always remember that creating a life of significance is something that may not be easy, but worthwhile things throughout life seldom are easy. If they were easy, everyone would be doing them.

So, as we find ourselves at the end of October, 2015; what are some ways that you can expand your ability to grow and become more valuable? Don’t wait until New Years to make some changes, find some things now.

Life’s Too Short To Be Bored and Unfulfilled

10/24/2015

"Life’s too short to be bored and unfulfilled. Find your passion and use it to light up your life." — John C. Maxwell

Time and time again – there have been way too many examples about life being too short. John Maxwell is right, there is not any room for living a bored and unfulfilled life during the short time that we have. All too often most people don’t find their passions in life. Maybe even worse, they do find their passions but don’t do anything to go after them.

Les Brown tells the story about a man on his death bed and all of a sudden there are all these figures standing around his bed. He asked one, what are you all doing here? The mystical figure said that they represented all the dreams and ideas that he never did anything about. That because of him not doing anything about making them real, they are going to die with him. All the people that could have had their lives changed due to his ideas and dreams, will never have it happen. Of course he felt horrible at that moment. I’ve always pictured that story with me – and it is indeed very scary and sad to me. I guess that is one thing I’m trying harder to avoid in my life.

It’s one of my many issues that I try and get my students to think about as they go through high school and the fact that they are setting the table so to speak for the their journey through life. It’s become one of my many callings to bring this out so that students can start on this journey of going after a life of making a difference and one of fulfillment with their dreams and goals.
The same goes for adults too as we need to figure out our lives, no matter what age we are. It’s a lot more difficult for adults to make changes, to step out of our comfort zones and to find the time and courage necessary to do those things. One thing for sure is that we need to do it as we don’t want to end up at the end our lives, looking at all those faces of our dreams and ideas looking back at us with tears in their eyes, wondering why we didn’t choose to make things happen.

We also need to remember the faces staring at every day in our lives, our loved ones and friends. When we don’t go after our goals and dreams, we are making it much more difficult for them to go after theirs. It’s one of my many personal battles I need to take on because I know I have many people in my life that need me to step up and show them how to do things like this along with helping them to see the importance of the opportunities in their lives to make it happen for themselves. They too have others that they can influence and help, and so on and so on. A very familiar question should be asked by all of us. If not me, then who will step up and make a difference? Do you want to face all those figures at the end of your life??

The World Lost A Good Guy - Thoughts From Dr. Wayne Dyer

9/8/2015

"Nobody can take your dreams away from you. You can imagine anything you want." -- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

We lost a great man this past week with the passing of Dr. Wayne Dyer and when I saw this quote it got me thinking as to what many of his messages were all about, especially this one.

First of all I remember listening to a few Wayne Dyer audios along with a number of interviews that either he did or others interviewed him. One of the many things he would focus on was the above quote and the fact that it was very important to dream in the first place. He would promote the fact on how powerful our minds really are and that we just have to tap into some of that power in order to make substantial changes in our lives.

With the world being as crazy as it, is the thought as come to me on how vitally important it is for us to indeed dream about things that are close to our heart and those things that are part of our core being and then of course start to do things about putting those things into action. As I sit here on a Saturday morning along with my cup of coffee of course and get back into somewhat of a normal schedule with school starting in a few days, this thought really has me intrigued about many things.

Another quote I saw this morning before I started writing this was from Brian Tracy and it was about not playing for being safe and how dangerous that is, and that ties into for me, how it’s not doing any good for the world. By us dreaming, imagining and doing the action steps needed to make those things happen – then we are affecting not only ourselves but everyone around us that we know and even those that we don’t know. As I sit here contemplating that thought, I do get excited knowing that I have to, it’s more that I MUST get going on making my dreams and goals a reality. That thought alone has been with me for a large portion of my life so as they say, lesson repeated until lesson learned.

With school starting again, what better way for this teacher and coach to get back to “school” where I need to make some changes, continue to make some things happen for me and my family along with others that are around me too. In fact part of it for me is to connect more with those people around me that mean something to me. My good friend Don, yes… coach Don that I coach with, just texted me about going out for breakfast. He like me, is an early riser which is a good thing. He is one of my good friends that I need to do more with, help him more with his dreams and goals (which we do indeed talk about), and along with this comes him helping me too.

So as the calendar is now into September and there seems to be more of a “normal” schedule for most people with school starting and all, I wonder what are a few things that you can start working on that connects to your dreams and goals? The power of our minds that Dr. Dyer spent his life researching and sharing that information to help others, check some of his work out. Listen to him and read a few of his books and then look to do a few things that will help you with your dreams and goals. You will be benefiting not only yourself, but also you will make a difference for others too. What a great focus point to start off the school year with. Don’t you think?

Where You Are Now Is A Great Place To Start

9/1/2015

"Circumstances may not be perfect, but where you are now is as good a place as any to start." – Mark Hayes

I saw this quote on Facebook and it was connected to an article that Mark Hayes wrote about what he learned about success from homeless people. You can read the article HERE. It was a fantastic article and I really am inspired from the project that he is putting together.

Not only did his article teach me many valuable lessons but so did my initial connection to this quote. With the new school year set to start as we have a couple of teacher days coming up tomorrow and Thursday and then we start with our students next Tuesday, September 8; I do think about the fresh start that I have with my job that not only comes at the start of the school year, but also the start of each of our trimesters too. It’s a good place to start for sure. There are always challenges, things are never perfect and there always seems to be issues going on at the start of every school year. But that is the same as there is in life.

Mark is right, now is indeed as good a place as any to start. Start what? Anything you have to do as this covers little things or big things. There are things that I put off over and over again and at times it gets me down. I feel like what’s the point, I haven’t done it for so long and I have survived, why do it now as there are other more “important” things to get done and that I would rather do. I need to reallocate my time that I spend throughout the day, week, month, etc. There are plenty of time wasting things that I do, far too often, that I know play a very large part as to me getting down about things that I have to get done.

It really doesn’t matter when we start something just that we start. Of course as I tell my students and kids all the time, the sooner you start the better. That advice goes for all of us, especially me and especially for those of us that are older. There is more of a sense of urgency that has to be addressed as we get older quite simply because we are running out of time. We have all seen too many examples of how short life is and that we really don’t know how much more time we have.

So as we start off into fall and some of us go back to school, there is no time like the present to start things we have to do. The circumstances may not be perfect but we just have to get started. It may be the simplest step, but the best time is now for that step. I’m stepping out right now doing something I have to get done. How about you?

Find Things In Life To Be Passionate About - And Stay Connected To Them!

7/21/2015

"Find something you're passionate about and stay tremendously interested in it." – Julia Child

This has always been one of my many messages to my students throughout the years and for them to combine those things that they are passionate about into a career if they can. I have reminded myself and others about this thought, as it’s also good for us adults too. If it can work out to be our career too, that’s a bonus for sure.

There have been plenty of examples, heck everyday there are plenty of reminders about how short life really is. In fact today I found out about two example from a friend who has a family member battling a serious medical condition and another friend telling me about someone that we both know being in a horrible car accident. This is just another example on how we need to spend our time here on earth doing things that mean something to us and to others. To remember to do those things that has a positive impact on us and others. We need to follow our heart and has Scott Smith says, we need to do what makes our heart sing!

Now for adults who are working in a career that maybe they don’t hate but they would be the first to say it certainly doesn’t make their heart sing, they need to remember whatever you are passionate about doesn’t necessarily have to be connected to your career. It can be a hobby for sure, but anything that you are passionate about should be a little bit of a priority to spend some time with. Many times it can be done here and there and it doesn’t have to have a set schedule to do either. One of my few things that I have a lot of passion about is coaching basketball. Heck, just being around the game has been important to me since 1977 when I was 11 years old. Started playing the game and then my dad got me into coaching around 1982 helping him with his CYO girl’s team.

This conversation came up with my good friend Don, who I’m blessed to be coaching with now again as we are both assistants on our local high school’s girls varsity team. He told me just the other day on how much coaching means to him and how his heart is connected with it and how it helps him focus and have energy for other areas of his life. This can happen in many ways other than basketball and the key is it can happen with anyone who looks to make that connection with things they are passionate about.

So what is it for you? What are some things that make your heart sing? Have you been thinking about trying to do more of those things? Maybe you are trying to find a little bit of time to do some of those things? Or maybe it’s something that you want to make a bigger change with as it might affect or even change your current career?? I was just talking with my sister-in-law today and my wife and I have spoken about this too – how difficult it is to get out of our comfort zones. I need to do that even more now. Is this idea or thing that you have a passion for involve getting out of your comfort zone?? Try it. I know I need to do just that.

Ask Yourself What Is Really Important - Build Your Life Towards That

7/12/2015

“Ask yourself what is really important, and then have the wisdom and courage to build your life around your answer.” – Wright Thurston

When I saw this quote on Twitter, it obviously caught my eye since this is something that I believe in and try to promote. The reason I hung onto it and read it again and then saved it was that I was reminded about how true this is in my life with a little discussion my wife and I had this weekend.

We were talking to each other about frustrations that we have been having with each other along with other things, and within the discussion it hit me (again, since we have had similar discussions before) that she is not only right on the majority of what we were talking about, but also our discussion got me thinking about how much work I still need to do on myself. At 49 years old, yep, I don’t have it all figured out and I still have lessons to learn. The old saying popped into my head about lessons being repeated, until lessons are learned.

This point about always learning hit me too as I saw a former student post something about how she thought she would have things figured out a little more at age 19 and that didn’t happen. Now at age 23, she also thought she would have more figured out, accomplished a little more, be in a certain place in her life. But she went onto saying something about how that’s not really the case as she is currently having trouble cooking noodles or something like that. She sounded like she was reflecting on the fact that she was still ok, that she’s not the only one that has thought and gone through this, and that she will continue to work at figuring things out in her life.

That point hit me as I too am still working on me. With the help of my wife and others, that is something I know I need to do a better job at. Instead of casting blame elsewhere as I often have done and not putting the action steps into place that are necessary to help make some of those changes, I have yet another reminder for myself to get back into and stay in this game of getting better.

As I have my 2nd cup of coffee going down here on a Sunday morning, this reflective time that I look to find every weekend is so crucial to me. With writing this blog, doing my podcasts, learning about new ways of communicating with people along with thinking about my week ahead of things I want to get done or simply get started; I know I need to continue to not only find this reflective time but then to actually go out and do the things that I reflect upon.

This quote above should be something that we all can focus on for sure. What are the things you are building your life around? Find some time and take that time to really connect to what this is for you. The coffee might help too.

We Only Have One Life To Live - It's Up To Us To Get It Right!

6/26/2015

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." – Mae West

This is one thing that I think most people understand about life. Or at least if you didn’t, you should. We truly need to understand the fact that we don’t get out of this life alive! Mae is right, if we do it right, once will indeed be enough.

Throughout our lives there are so many things that happen that affect us and our future. From the decisions our parents make when we are little and can’t decide things for ourselves, to those that we make as we get older. Those choices and decisions, both major and minor, affect not just us but it also affects those around us too.

We need to remember that since we only get one shot at life here on earth, we need to do some things differently in order to do it right. Life is the school that we are in and everyday is the classroom. There comes a simple yet very important fact about the need for us to learn everyday in life. There are constant lessons that help guide us along the way of trying to live this one life that we have in the correct way.

Everyone has different views of how to “do it right.” That is both the beautiful and harsh thing about life is that it’s up to us. There is no manual that we have to follow page by page. But if there were, here would be a couple of the chapters in that book (in my case it would be the book on life for dummies) J

One would have to be about the fact that our lives are up to us to live. We have the total responsibility on how to live our lives, what direction we want to go in, the thoughts and ideas that come into our heads, and definitely the action needed to do things is totally up to us. The fact that we need to guard our thoughts and ideas that come into our minds is a crucial one. It has been said that the most valuable space in the world is the six inches between our ears. Yet most people, including me, don’t guard and protect that half a foot of space enough. It’s never too late to post a guard to the entrance of our minds along with realizing the power of the things that go on in between our ears that affect our entire life.

Another chapter for sure would have to be about other people. How important it is to have good people around us that help us throughout life instead of hinder and cause problems for us throughout life. Who we hang out with directly affects those thoughts and ideas that get into our heads for sure. But we also need to love people where they are at and understand they too are on their own path in their lives. They too struggle with things as we all have those struggles and issues that we must deal with for sure every day in our lives. This does not mean that we should let their issues and problems get in the way of our journey that we must continue on. Doesn’t mean we can’t try and help them, be there for them, listen to them, etc., but we cannot let others negatively affect us in going in the direction that we know we must go towards.

Obviously there would be many more chapters and the cool thing is there are those chapters that we are in charge of writing in our own book of our own lives. What is your book all about? What direction are you heading in? What are you going after in your days that you have left? Listen to my podcast and I will tell you more of what I’m going after along with hopefully helping you figure out what you are going after in your life. Always let me know any thoughts and ideas that you have that can help others, including me on this journey we are all on together.