Had another fantastic reminder about not only the person I want to be but also who I don't want to be. This reminder was not so gentle either & I deserved every bit of humble pie that I had to swallow.  Best one to teach these lessons to me of course is my wife.  The one that is correct so many times more than she's not.  The scoreboard went up for her "victory total" with this story.

We were up in one of most favorite spots in the world - Traverse City, Mi.  We were blessed enough to go up there last week and stay at her parents' condo that they own there for 2 quick nights.  Before I share the lessons I learned, a little backstory.  We have been going up there together for almost 30 years - 18 or so as a family with our kids, her siblings and their families, and her parents.  Family dinners, golf outings with my brother-in-law Jim, poker games with the guys, swimming, eating out, Pirates Cove mini golf & water rides, all the great stuff that summers are made of.   As the kids got older and plans changed for everyone, my wife and I kept going up there.  We found so many wineries that we really enjoy going to and it's been our mission to go to everyone that we can find in the area over the years.  The beaches are great.  Downtown Traverse City is awesome.  So many small towns and great things to do for hours in any direction you drive from there.

So we were there having a great time and we went to my wife's favorite beach.  It's a small public park near the two bays of water (I'll leave it at that as I don't want to share this secret location.  :-)  LOL  )  It was after dinner that we decided to go there and we had 2 bottles of wine that we just bought at one of the wineries and they were cold too.  :-)   Well... the "old man" in me came out again.  There were threats of storms all day, all around the state - especially in the evening.  I got an alert on my phone that "moderate rain" was going to start in 20 minutes in my location.  I pulled up the radar and sure enough... HUGE areas of rain showed up coming our way!!  I showed it to my wife and mentioned how we have about 15 minutes before we would have to leave.  

She began to remind me how inaccurate those apps are with rain coming and she wanted to stay.  That wasn't good enough for the old man sitting next to her, as I wasn't about to get soaked trying to gather up both chairs, the cooler, etc., and try and get back to the car.   Well... a long story short here for you - our "discussion" didn't go to well for the old man.  As I started complaining a bit - I started gathering things up and we made our way back to the car - which in my defense was a whole 20 seconds away!!   Then she turned up the "passion" of her side of the "discussion" as I started to drive out of the lot.  I quickly saw (and heard) that this was not going to be good for me.  I turned around in the front of the lot where they have a turnaround to avoid the exit and go back to our spot.  I decided I was going to back the car in so that we could at least pop the tailgate and sit there until the rain stopped.   Well needless to say this was not going to work as it was not raining and she wanted to go back to our spot with the chairs. 

Well, she was once again proved correct as we got the chairs out again, went back and watched a beautiful sunset.  The rain never really showed up to save me & truthfully, we had some tearful & great talks about things.  I found out some things that I need to work on and so did she.  After 30 years of marriage, we both are still learning to get better not only as people but as partners for each other.  It was an amazing turn of events.  I have learned that I need to keep looking to get better.  To keep looking to keep my head up, look for the positives and not get so negative & worried about simple & enjoyable things in life.  I was reminded about how fun it is to be in the rain a little bit with someone you love.  There are plenty of bright sides to things, when normally I am conditioned to see the worst in things.   I put out a couple of posts to social media about how wrong or negative I could be and how my wife (knowing these things about me & seeing me at my worst sometimes) still finds the way to love me anyways.  

There are so many things going on where many people are worried about their future.  I get it.  The economy.  Fears about our health with the Covid19 Pandemic around us.  All of the civil unrest.  Everything that seems to have a political connection to it.  The simple fact of human interaction is still not happening like it normally does.

There have been plenty of things that have cleared up too.  Things in life that have been shown to be important and things that have not shown that we need to get rid of too.  There are plenty of people I think that have learned some important lessons throughout the year 2020 so far.  For others, maybe the lessons have not been found yet.  Maybe some people are still focusing on the things that are causing most of their troubles.  

I found something to tie into this thought in John O'Leary's book "In Awe", where John talks about Fr. Tom Hoar being on his podcast and he brought up a very important question that we need to ask ourselves - Have you had enough?  With Fr. Hoar, it's all tied into addiction.  He mentions about changing happening when we have had enough of the the life that we have been living and we are deeply looking for something better.  He also mentions about being addicted to the unimportant.  This is something that caught my eye.  Not only do I think we all have addictions to some things in our lives - things that are unimportant are eating up a lot of everyone's time at one point or another in life.  I know it's happening to me.  

Of the many things happening in this year of 2020, I have found an extreme understanding of many things I don't want to focus on any more.  The hate that has sprung up in our lives, heck, it's always been there - but we are seeing it more and more now.  Politics!  If there is one thing that I have developed a strong distaste for in recent years, it's this.  I still vote, but I will not let these political leaders affect my life where I blindly close my eyes, heart and mind to people who have a different opinion than I do.  It's a fine line of controlling the information, the opinions of others, the messages that I let affect me and my life and still being able to function in society.   The lack of character in our world is something that I do not want to join in with just to fit in.

I need to continue this journey of being better than the guy I was the day before.  The important lessons that continue to be thrown at me, I need to not only continue to learn from them but I also need to make the changes in my life that I got from those lessons.  In a small way... YES is my answer to that question - Have you had enough?  Yes, I've had enough of holding myself back from going after my goals and dreams.  Yes, I've had enough of my negative thinking towards others and myself.  Yes, I've had enough of mortgaging my future for being comfortable today & not putting in the hard work so that my tomorrows will be better.  This pandemic has taught me a lot about wanting clarity for my future.  I for one, need to ramp up my efforts for making the changes I know I need to make.  What about you?

Here is another lesson that I recently got from John O'Leary's book, "In Awe" and he brought up this thought of No Reserves.  No retreat.  No regrets.  He mentions this mindset from a story of William Borden (click on his name for his amazing story.)

No Reserves

This was a reminder to Borden to make sure he was taking everything he had, all of his gifts, all of his thoughts & insights of things, all of his kindness & compassion; and to put it all out there for being a difference maker to others.  To really be a light for someone else's darkness.  I take this as Sam Crowley always says, to use up all the toothpaste in our tube of what our lives are.  Not to be on our deathbed with things still left undone, unsaid to others and things not tried.  It's something that has been on my mind more and more in my own life.  (that's why this post hit close to home for me.)

No Retreat

Borden wrote of this as to not go back home to an easier life, one with money, priviledge, etc.  He found strength in that to help keep him focused on what his mission in life was.  This reminds me to not retreat back to an easy life.  Remember, looking to make things easy now, in our early life - it will make things much more difficult later in life.  We need to reverse this.  Work hard now in our lives, things will be difficult and challenging, but later in life, it will get better.  Everything I now do are grounded in the fact that I'm proud of being a teacher and a coach and I know that I have made a difference with so many people and look to continue to do so.   No retreat from being an educator.

No Regrets

This one ties it all in.  John O'Leary wrote "don't get to the end of your journey and realize the life you lived was not yours.  Don't forget that you are free to choose.  Right now."  We all have THE CHOICE for how we live our lives.  If we don't like where we are going or where we are at, we can change things in our own life.  We can think differently, we can make different choices, we can choose to get better.   This also brings in the fact of (at least to me) how we can't continue to blame others or blame the circumstances that happen to us. 

Unfortunately in today's times, I see this happening way too much and to tell you that I don't want to be a part of that way of thinking.  I think the blame game that so many people are playing is a direct recipe to have plenty of regrets in life, to retreat from things that will help us in the long run, and to have tons of reserves in our tank when we die.  Not taking responsibility for our own lives will lead to the opposite of all three of these.   Bottom line, I'm looking to take control of my life in these 3 areas.  For example (as so many people are getting worked up about this) I'm not going to let any elected official be the difference maker in my life.  Doesn't matter who is in any elected position in any form of our government as to how I choose to live my life and that I need to make sure that I follow this formula:  No reserves.  No retreat.  No regret.  How about you?