On  Thursday, June 27 I got the opportunity with two good friends of mine, Paul & Craig - to see the one and only David Feherty at the Fox Theater in Detroit, Michigan.  I have always been a big fan of his throughout his playing & broadcasting careers.  So when I saw that he was having his show there, I knew I had to go.  Let me tell you - he was incredible!!  An absolute joy to laugh so hard for just about the entire 2 hours and 15 minutes that he spoke. 

One of the key elements that David talked about was having a sense of humor.  Some of his language could be deemed offensive by some people and he made sure that was never his intent.  His intent is to show humor in life's ups and downs.  In fact, he mentioned one important thing - and I agree with him.  It's tough to trust someone who doesn't have a sense of humor.  Maybe trust is a strong word, but at least it's tough to work with them, like them or have a good relationship with them.  I think many people are drawn to people with a sense of humor in life.

To hear his story of the ups (playing pro golf, winning tournaments, and playing in the Ryder Cup) and the lows (alcohol / drugs, growing up in a war zone, divorce, etc.) and his sense of humor and gratitude are what got him through life.   You see, he became  a citizen of the United States after he was born in Northern Ireland.   The importance of what this country offered him as far as opportunities - he did not take that for granted.   During his talk he shared his love and affection for the USA and it was one of the many things that helps to connect him to many people.  

I walked out of this show in total gratitude for what he shared with us.  Laughing so hard that there were tears in my eyes and to share it with friends made it even more enjoyable.   It's been said that laughter is good for the soul, and I totally believe it.  I walked out of there more appreciative and grateful for what I have in my life.  I also will be focusing on having a sense of humor more in my life, especially when I look at myself.  There are many ups and downs in everyone's life and David reminds us to look for those humorus moments and laugh a little bit at them before you go and do something about it.

Being more adaptable is something that I think comes with age for some people, and for others it means we become less adaptable.  I found another great article and it brought up this point about being adaptable, one that seems we don't talk about nearly enough.  Find the artcle HERE.  

One of the main points that the article hit me with right off the bat is the important fact about how crucial relationships are in life.  With people of course comes the opportunity to show how flexible we are, how we are adaptable or not.  Our flexibilty is described as our willingess to adapt and that it really comes down to our attitude.  Staying with the idea about people, we know how difficult it can be to be adaptable.  We also have to remember that since this is one of the most important skills (of many) that we can have in our lives, that automatically means that it won't be easy.  Remember - things that are worthwhile, things that mean anything, usually will not come easy.  There will be work involved.  There will be setback.  There is a need for effort to be put into these things.

Some of the pieces of being adaptable is confidence, tolerance, empathy, being positive and having a respect for others.  Funny thing is, as I'm typing these words out I'm thinking about how I do these sometimes in my life, and other times I need some major help with them.   Another point that comes to mind is that having the willingness to grow in these areas is also something that is needed in order to become more flexible.  The world needs more of this, not less.  Look at the list of those pieces - do you realize how much more power they represent if you implement them into your life?  I know that I need to live more of those in my life everyday.  

That empathy idea is a BIGGIE for me, heck, for anyone.  It's all aout seeing things from other people's points of view.  We have to walk in their shoes and that reminds me that we have to get out of our own shoes first to do that.  If you could work on one thing today - try that.  Try having more empathy for those that are "differrent" than we are.  If we get out of our own shoes first and then step into their shoes, maybe we can not only understand them better, but we also might find that we have more adaptability in our lives.  Like the picture says, either we can do the changing or the change will be done for us.  :-)  It's up to us.

As always - reach out to me if you want to have a discussion.  These are always great topics to talk about and get more perspectives on.

"Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again. So live life to the fullest today, and have no regrets." #SayQuotable

There are things that we hear every day of our lives.  Some of them we actually listen to and some of them we take an extra step and we actually think about too.   When I saw this one, I had to read it again and then I also made it my last quote of the week for the school year for my students.

There is one more step on things like this.  After the thinking part of it – and of course it’s the most important part, it’s doing something about the statement.  The thing is that this statement rings true every day.  Then as the days go by we forget to live every day to the fullest and suddenly so much time has gone by that we tend to just fall into the motions of things we always do.  As Brian Buffini has said – “The days are long and the years are short.”    Years that go by tend to blend into one another and it gets harder and harder to remember them.

To be honest, this is something that I have always struggled with.  I’m trying to not live with regrets and I suppose I’m doing a better job than before, but wasting time and not living each day to the fullest is something that I continue struggle with.  But then in that same moment that I think about that statement, I have another thought – and that is that I won’t stop trying to make this better.  I won’t stop trying to live each day to the fullest and to the best that I can.

During a visit to Cincinnati, Ohio June 8 -10, I went to Sam Crowley’s live event.  This exact topic was heavy in our discussions.  Sam helped us all out by assigning a little homework to bring with us.  He wanted us to put down our Why’s on a notecard.  Why are we trying to do what we do? What are the reasons that are pushing us to be different, to try different things, and to get out of comfort zone.  We all shared those Why cards and it was powerful for sure.   For sure it helped that we got up in front of people to share our stories, but the real difference maker for all of us I think was to hear the other stories from everyone there.  It helped our whys to listen to the others that were there.  I think it helped to make our why’s stronger for ourselves based upon the connections we made with the other people there.

Besides the connection that my family has as part of my why, another is what Les Brown talks about on how valuable the graveyard is.  It’s the place where so many ideas, dreams, thoughts, etc., die with the people who never acted on them, never tried – I do not want that to be me.  I need to work on that every day so that I won’t take them all with me when it’s my time. 

Now that we all have these new connections coming out of the event, there has been a lot of action being taken by people in our group.  I know that I have done more and plan on doing more just because of the people I met during that event.  Reading a statement like the one above is good.  Doing something with it is better.  To have other people helping you to do that, that’s more than you can do with it yourself.  That’s the power of making the most out of every day, when it’s bigger than just you.  Our Why’s – the reason we get up every day to go and do whatever we have to do – it’s important to know those reasons why.  It’s important to connect them to the people in our lives as I think that multiplies the power that those reasons can have with us. 

One more key – we help those people that are part of our why’s by going out and doing great things.  They see us doing those things and they too can realize they can do great things too.  It’s not just about us – Life is about those connections we have with others.  Those are the real why’s we do what we do.  Have you looked at your why’s?  Why do you do what you do?  Is there more to your why’s than just yourself?  A great challenge for all of us is to look at that statement often to see where we stand with our why’s in life.  I know I need to do it every day.  Challenge yourself right now.  Go back up to the top and read that statement again – copy it so you can see it every day and then think about your why’s.  Anyone want to share their why?

“Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.” - Daniel H. Pink
 
If there is one thing, out of the many that are missing in the world today – it would have to be empathy.  There is a HUGE need for this to be more visible in the world today.  It would make decisions made, more on what they can do for others instead of what they can do for ourselves.

If decisions would be looked at from the eyes of those that it will most greatly affect, things would be better.  If government officials could always take a step back and look at laws & policies being put into place from their constituent’s points of views, rather than the political implications that it will have; again, this world would be a better place.

I know this one for sure is out there.  If people (namely me) could see things from their spouse’s point of view along with things from their kid’s point of view, again this would be a much better place. There could be so many arguments, miscommunications, misunderstandings, etc., that would be replaced with caring, thinking of the other person’s feelings, thoughts, and listening to their ideas.  This really goes for anyone in our lives that are important to us.  Also in a general sense, anyone we come into contact with, having a little empathy can go a long way.

Businesses could put more empathy into their decisions, from their customers along with their employees.  There is such a big need for businesses to treat others right.  To put people first instead of profits all the time.   What many companies don’t realize is that you take care of those people that you are connected to as a company, those people will make things work and improve for your company.  So much so, that profits will be healthy and growing.
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Look at somewhere you can add empathy to in your life.  Watch the great things that can come from it.  Mainly, look at the difference it can make in your life with the way you see things, think about things and your reactions to others.  This is the main way that you affect others in a positive way by your actions.  You do not have to tell anyone about this. They will see it in the things you say and do. Try it and let me know how it goes. ​

"If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you." – Unknown

One thing I really look back on in my life was that I got this message and took it to heart.  Today, as a guy over 50, I have no problem what so ever taking this to heart since I’ve been through enough of life that I can the value and truth to this statement.  The funny thing is, I’ve had plenty of people telling me that when I was younger and of course I didn’t really listen to them.  Equally as comical is the fact that I give this same message to my 2 kids along with my students and basketball players.  I hope they listen better than I did.

I’ve seen more challenges as I’ve gotten older along with most of those challenges being a lot more serious and heavy duty than most of the ones that I had when I was younger.  When I was younger I thought those challenges were serious of course at that time, only to learn that you do what you can and get help if you need it and then time moves on, and just about all those challenges are a distant memory as I got older.

What I know now is that those times when those things come up in life are meant to test us.  They are meant to give us some of the most valuable lessons we will ever learn throughout our lifetime.  That’s if we look at that way while being in the middle of those problems and issues.  That’s the challenging part.  It’s really easy to look back on memories to think about them or at least try and remember them for the lessons that were there.  I think it’s a hundred times more valuable if we can look for the lessons while we are in the middle of the lesson.

Also remember, we learn from many different sources.  Other people telling us about their stories of their ups and downs – and the lessons they learned. Even watching others go through things without them telling us about them.  We learn from reading books, listening to podcasts, seeing current events going on around us, etc.  The most valuable of them all – those things that we go through ourselves!   We are the best source of learning for our own lives since we are in the title role playing ourselves in our own story.  ​

"Success is the continual unfolding of the design of our life and pulling it off. That’s what success is." - Jim Rohn

This quote struck me as being very accurate and right on target for me and plenty of other people that I know.  We are all on our own journey of life and the decisions and choices we make help to create the path that we are all on.  

Part of that path is obviously the success that we have or don't have throughout our lives.  Since we are the major players in our own life journey, our successes are continuing to unfold or disappear based on our choices.  There is another saying that I use in my classes, especially my Principles of Leadership class in the spring with my seniors and it says - Every choice we make either takes us closer to our dreams and goals or it takes us further away from them.  

As we get older we change.  Heck, we change everyday even if it's just hearing and seeing new things.  Those things get us thinking, feeling, responding, etc., so that each and everyday there are subtle little things that influence our choices and decisions.  I'm reminded about another saying that things that happen to us in life are 10% of the actual thing happening to us and 90% how we respond.  The key item is that we get to choose how we respond to these items.  We get to let them have control over us or not.  This includes the people that come in and out of our lives too.  We have to decide on how much control we give to them about how successful or unsuccessful we will be in our lives.

This is why our road to success is always under construction.  There are so many factors that come into play each and every day of our lives.  The key is to be able to filter through all the distractions and keep moving forward in the direction we want to go in.  Of course it's not easy.  But it is worth it. ​

“If you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, even if you don’t agree, then you can often see the issue from their perspective. This will then open the door for collaboration and communication." – Gail Gross

One of the most powerful views we can take in life is that of Empathy.  It’s something that is needed in life for sure.  Like other important skills in life, it works best the sooner you learn it.  Empathy is all about seeing things from other people’s point of view.  Looking around the world, it’s easy to see how much it’s needed.  We can’t keep waiting for others do things that are right – it’s up to us to start now in trying to make a difference in the world.

It’s one of the skills that I try and promote to all my students.  It’s one of the skills that I constantly try and remind myself that I need to get better at.  Having people in my life that offer a variety of opinions, thoughts, backgrounds, ideas, etc., makes me a better person.  Just because people don’t think the same way as I do, doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with them.  In fact the older I get, the more I think I need these variety of thoughts and opinions in my life.  It’s funny since also as I get older, I’m getting more set in my ways too.  Life sure becomes interesting when you involve others’ point of view. 

The ability to put yourself in someone’s shoes and see things from their point of view is something that is such a valuable skill.  If you look at disagreements, arguments, problems in relationships; empathy is the main ingredient in helping in these areas.  Since life really comes down to the quality and value in our relationships, this skill is one of the main building blocks I think in life.

When I read student feedback about our Leadership lessons and they mention the fact that they do try and use empathy to see how other people are feeling and apply those lessons to their own lives, that is really cool to see.  I can’t tell you the number of times as I’m reading those student comments and I start getting the tears flowing (sometimes right into my coffee), really starts my day off in a great direction when I’m reading them in the morning.
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My students teach me more than they will ever know.  Their teachings, the lessons I get from their stories and feedback are very powerful.  It’s one of THEE most valuable experiences I have as a teacher that applies great benefits to my life and also that affects the lives of people that I connect with too.  Want some advice?  Try it.  Try using a little empathy to help you understand others but will ultimately help yourself too. ​

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." – Mae West

This is one thing that I think most people understand about life.  Or at least if you didn’t, you should.  We truly need to understand the fact that we don’t get out of this life alive!  Mae is right, if we do it right, once will indeed be enough.

Throughout our lives there are so many things that happen that affect us and our future.  From the decisions our parents make when we are little and can’t decide things for ourselves, to those that we make as we get older.  Those choices and decisions, both major and minor, affect not just us but it also affects those around us too.

We need to remember that since we only get one shot at life here on earth, we need to do some things differently in order to do it right.  Life is the school that we are in and everyday is the classroom.  There comes a simple yet very important fact about the need for us to learn everyday in life.  There are constant lessons that help guide us along the way of trying to live this one life that we have in the correct way.

Everyone has different views of how to “do it right.”  That is both the beautiful and harsh thing about life is that it’s up to us.  There is no manual that we have to follow page by page.   But if there were, here would be a couple of the chapters in that book (in my case it would be the book on life for dummies) J

One would have to be about the fact that our lives are up to us to live.  We have the total responsibility on how to live our lives, what direction we want to go in, the thoughts and ideas that come into our heads, and definitely the action needed to do things is totally up to us.  The fact that we need to guard our thoughts and ideas that come into our minds is a crucial one.  It has been said that the most valuable space in the world is the six inches between our ears.  Yet most people, including me, don’t guard and protect that half a foot of space enough.  It’s never too late to post a guard to the entrance of our minds along with realizing the power of the things that go on in between our ears that affect our entire life.

Another chapter for sure would have to be about other people.  How important it is to have good people around us that help us throughout life instead of hinder and cause problems for us throughout life.  Who we hang out with directly affects those thoughts and ideas that get into our heads for sure.  But we also need to love people where they are at and understand they too are on their own path in their lives.  They too struggle with things as we all have those struggles and issues that we must deal with for sure every day in our lives.  This does not mean that we should let their issues and problems get in the way of our journey that we must continue on.  Doesn’t mean we can’t try and help them, be there for them, listen to them, etc., but we cannot let others negatively affect us in going in the direction that we know we must go towards.

Obviously there would be many more chapters and the cool thing is there are those chapters that we are in charge of writing in our own book of our own lives.  What is your book all about?  What direction are you heading in? What are you going after in your days that you have left?  Listen to my podcast and I will tell you more of what I’m going after along with hopefully helping you figure out what you are going after in your life.  Always let me know any thoughts and ideas that you have that can help others, including me on this journey we are all on together. 

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”  John Wooden

It seems this thought, like many others, have been hovering around me in many different ways over the last few months.  Looking back it probably started while I was home recovering and I had a little more time to do some thinking along with having time to notice a few things more than I normally get the opportunity to do.

There have been many failures in my life and I have finally begun to look at them with more of a studying type of look and learning from it, instead of being a victim or blaming others.   I’ve had glimpses of this better type of thinking throughout my life, now it just seems to be happening more frequently as I get older. 

I’m noticing things changing a lot more too.  With both of our kids off at college, there is more time for my wife and I to do things together along with time to do things ourselves too.  Both of our parents are getting older and all the issues that seem to come with age are starting to happen with it too.  Speaking of age, my wife and I are getting older too of course.  There are things that we have to make changes in so many areas of our lives right now.

That goes for all of us.   No matter what age we are at, learning from failures that happen (and they happen a lot in life), are necessary for success.  The idea of not changing when times dictate that we need to do that, those can be disastrous.   

I look around and I see plenty of people that refuse to change.  They wear it as a badge of courage for not changing.  They either think they know everything and they don’t have to change.  Some think they need to show how tough they are and that they can do things on their own without any help from others.  This might be the most fatal failure of all – where people don’t think they have to change.  I think if you’re not changing, you are actually on your way to getting worse.  That’s one thing I don’t ever want to do – I’m looking to always get better.  How about you?