Blog Posts - Coach to Expect Success

Perspective - 3 Short Stories To Help

10/29/2019

Found 3 very short stories to help us see and think about having a little more Perspective in our lives. The 3 stories are HERE.

The first of these 3 stories is about "The Muddy Road" - 2 monks are walking and one stops to help a lady out of the mud. So he carries her to safety and puts her down and continues on his way. The other monk is worked up that he did that since they are not supposed to be around females, let alone touch one. The one who helped the lady mentions that he left her back there, why is he still worried about her? Carrying on a worry, burden, etc., does not good for our future. That enables us to keep having that one event cause us more problems than it originally did back when it happened. I know we need to learn from this mistake, maybe even remember some moments of it so we can learn and get better. I also try to let it go. I'm not always successful with that, but I know I need to.

The second story is titled "The Two Wolves" where a grandfather is telling the story to his grandson on how we all have 2 Wolves inside of us.. the good one and the bad one. The one that wins is the one we feed the most! The negative or positive voices we have... that's the key. We all battle with trying to do the right things in our life and we can be our own worst critic for sure. But it is shown over and over again which ever "voice" we let drive us, the one we "feed" the most is the one that will control our thoughts, etc. The key is WE have choice.

The final of the 3 stories is "The Farmer's Fortune" - so many things happen to this farmer and his son, and every time a neighbor says to him "that's too bad that happened..." or "isn't it fortunate that that happened...". The farmer responds the same each time... "perhaps" is all he says. He doesn't pile on in misery & complaining when things are not going well, nor does he get all fired up when things are great. He stays even keeled... no emotional swings or reactions... that's a great message for all of us. It's far more important as to what our reaction is compared to what actually happened to us. We never know the next door to open tomorrow no matter what we went through today.

This was a good and quick exercise to try. Click on the file link above and see what you can get out of these stories as far as perspective goes. Then let me know your thoughts. :-)

Building Integrity - It's Worth The Effort!

10/24/2019

This was a powerful assignment for my students and I to work on (even though mine is a little late in getting done). This article that I found "9 Tips To Help You Strengthen Your Integrity" - really gave some good things to digest and reflect on.

Here are a few that I connected with out of the 9 points:

#1 - Keep Your Promises: This is one that when I first read it, I knew right away it was one for me to work on. I work hard to keep my promises to others - I am not always successful, but I sure do try. The one I usually let down is ME! Wow do I have to work on this!! I'm actually used to disappointing myself. I set out to do things and I choose to do other things. Then later, I'll do more damage by beating myself up about it. That's a double whammy so to speak from one failure.

#5 - Examine how you react in knee-jerk situations: This again - powerful reflections here for me - I need to watch and catch earlier how I react to things as they occur. Especially with my wife and kids. When things first happen - good or bad, I tend to have my emotional reaction and then reflecting on it later. I need to catch it in the moment and watch the way react... heck, I need to change my reaction to that of being a more positive one. When it's my negative reaction added to the negative or bad event, you can see how that does not make anything better. It usually only makes things worse. :-(

#6 Polish your communication skills - This one is reminding us that it never stops! We never become perfect at communicating. Wait - What??? Even with all this great technology that so many people think does everything for us?? Yeppers! It is being found now in so many of these "soft skills" are not soft at all. They are becoming more valuable then ever before. So this is one of the main ones (heck, all of them really) that really pays to work on. All. The. Time!

#8 Avoid people who lack integrity - This is a biggie! We are who we hang out with. Those people that we hang out with - we let them affect us, mainly our thinking! Those people that lack integrity affect those around them with the choices / decisions they make. Their actions affect us. Then we have to work twice as hard to overcome their poor decisions and the poor decisions we make too. That is not worth it at all.

The other points are important too - I could have plenty to say (or write) about them too. Check out the article for yourself, and like I said, this is all worth putting in the extra effort in improving in all of these areas.

Being Present - A Story From A Plane Crash

10/10/2019

What a story - one that most people have heard about the incident itself, but not the first hand account that Ric Elias shares. It was a perfect fit with our Positivity Project thought for the week - "Being Present & Giving Others My Attention."

His story was all about being on the flight that crashed in the Hudson River in New York City on January 15, 2009. He brings up some very emotional and valuable lessons here about life and what is really important. It reminds us that things can change in the blink of an eye and then depending on the circumstances, we can either do something about what's going on or like in his story, he couldn't.

He reminds us that EGO is a problem and it's one that we have to get over in our lives and the sooner the better. More things matter than ourselves, that's for sure. The fact that he quickly thought of all the things he didn't get a chance to do = a lesson for us not to put things off. I personally loved the wine example that he is not going to save another bottle for sometime later, if there are good people around today to share it with.

We learn so many lessons from tragedies that we would hope they stick with us, but usually those lessons blow by in the wind. A key is the lessons we can learn from HIS story without us having to go through it ourselves. Again, the power of a story is huge. Lessons we can learn at someone else's expense.

I plan on always looking to do things that mean more to me rather than tasks that I "have to do" or am "expected to do" from society, etc. Truthfully, I have put off so many things in my life and at my age, things I have been through personally in my life and stories like this and countless others that I've seen others go through - it's more than time to keep making changes in order to do those things that I need and want to make. ]

Check out the video HERE. Then think about some of the things he says. Role play and empathize if that was you in his seat and how would this experience change you and the rest of your life??

EQ - It's A Difference Maker

10/1/2019

Found a great article that I had to share with my students on the importance on having Emotional Intelligence in our lives in order to succeed. Check out the article HERE. It got me thinking about a book that I read years ago called.."The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book" by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. It's one that I had to pull out of one of my bags as I put it in there with great intent to read it this past summer... needless to say I did not but I still need to read this again.

EQ is something that all of us can work on to get better at. It has so much to do with all the important areas of life - check out this picture that is a great indicator:

Looking at these "leaves", I can see so many of them that (at least to me - my opinion) that they simply blow having a large IQ, out of the water!! Now again, don't get me wrong as I know having a great IQ is not horrible. But the way I see it, the things on this "tree" are just a lot more meaningful in & throughout life that I'd take these things first. It's a good thing too, since I know my IQ is not off the charts anywhere.

Emotional Intelligence predicts performance, so it certainly seems like a good thing to work on and try to improve throughout our lifetime. As I sit here and think about my students (some, maybe not all of them) and the opportunity they have for their lives to improve them, now, at their age... wow I am just blown away comparing it to my timeline of knowing about this after the age of 35 (at least!)

This brings a HUGE connection to our term this week from our Positivity Project - Open Mindedness. It's so powerful to be able to take some new ideas and come up with ways of improving ourselves. So the backend of this idea of my students getting exposed to these skills now at their young ages compared to me where it was later in life, and think of all the people who never take a venture out to learn about EQ or even improving their own EQ. WOW! I think we all know plenty of people who need to work on improving this in their lives, but choose to ignore it or even let their negative thinking get in the way of ever even trying. I know that I do not want to be one of those people who won't ever look at this "tree" above and not want to try and get better in all of those "leaves".

Teamwork - From A High Schooler's Point of View

9/25/2019

Our most recent blog assignment was all about our current Character term for the week - Teamwork. I found a TED Talk from a high school senior that shared some ideas about teamwork. Find the video HERE on Youtube.

I found it very interesting that he brought up the fact that most teens (a lot of older people too) don't really like working in groups. It seems all to often that we are the ones doing most, if not all the work for the others in the group. Not only is that many times the case, it's done on purpose from the others. They want someone else to do the work for them and then take the credit for it. Obviously that is not good teamwork at all. It's also funny that so many people agree that they are the ones doing all the work and it's the OTHER PEOPLE that are looking for the free ride. That doesn't leave many people in that other people group. :-)

I had a discussion with my classes about this topic and really the importance of seeing this not just as a school connection, but a life connection. Looking back I can't remember ever a time, in all my jobs where I did not have to work with other people or depend on others to get things done. It seems with all the technology in the world today, we still need people to help us get things done. We may use forms of technology to get things accomplished, but those things will always be about and be for people. That's why I think it's imperative for us to keep looking to get along with people. It's not that we have like everyone, but we should look to work with others to get things accomplished. In today's "I'm right, your wrong" type of society, this makes sense to at least try and work on. It's not easy, but it is for sure worth it. The more we can learn about ourselves and others, the better things will be. That will be one of my things that I will always be spending time working on. Teamwork is where it's at.

John O'Leary Podcast with Dr. Kelli Harding - Life Changing Stuff!

9/20/2019

John O'Leary is quickly becoming my favorite podcast to listen to as it is always emotionally connecting and rejuvenating that I'm finding that I can't miss it. His book "On Fire" is my favorite book, and I also need to get back into reading that book again soon. I need to get connected with this guy even more with all that he has to offer. Great stuff!

When this podcast came out recently, where he interviewed Dr. Kelli Harding, I knew I had to not only share this with my students as a blog assignment, but also to share it with others - which I have. ;-) One of the first lessons that got to me was simply the fact that our technological social world is actually changing our lives - heck, it's been proving to change our biology as Dr. Harding states. It's kind of scary. As I write this, I see a few of my students (the ones doing it a lot) on their phones.. the look withdrawn, low energy, they have work that needs to be done, they have questions they could be asking me; real life taking a back seat to a 7-inch screen. :-(

Another of the many things that struck me as being HUGE LESSONS - was the fact that our relationships can make such a big difference. I have seen that thousands and thousands of times in my life, even this week and truthfully - I've seen it (and experienced it) today! Not quite sure what I would do if it wasn't for the people that I have in my life.

Finally, my third catch from this fantastic podcast - by the way, you can find it HERE - is this awesome quote she shared with the listeners in this podcast, “True health is hidden in the million tiny moments of everyday life.” This statement is so valid, it's just dripping with authenticity and truth! These happen every day and we miss so many of them, I know I do for sure, because we are all caught up in the wrong things that we are trying to keep up with. This is another of many reminders to stop and figure this point out!

Powerful stuff.. this keeping up with my students is fun, challenging, but mostly, it's a very good thing. :-)

Character Traits - Positivity Project

9/20/2019

We are starting the Positivity Project here at Lake Shore High School. It's all about the #OtherPeopleMatterMindset What we say and do every day does affect others. Many of us have taken a character survey from http://www.viacharacter.org/ The 24 Character Traits that it has on it really gives us some great reflection ideas on how we can improve ourselves. Like I told my students, I need all the help I can get with trying to improve and get better.

The one I will be focusing on improving over the next week is Perseverance. (It's #24 on my list) Just to focus on not giving up on things. I also need to have a little bit more patience with the things that I'm working on and not looking to just finish or to come back to it later, but to hang in there and finish things more. This survey was very accurate as I've struggled with this point just about all my life. Next week's Character Trait is CURIOSITY - I need to be more curious about finding ways to get better at this (and all of them actually). ;-) My third one I will be focusing in on is Forgiveness (mainly on myself). So many times I get down on myself and I need to have more positive self-talk instead of self defeating talk inside my own head. Remember, we are our own worst critics!!

From the Video that we watched about the P2 Project at Fayetteville-Manlius High School (Manlius, NY), I really enjoyed watching the interaction with staff and students about this awesome project. The ease that the students talked about their experiences were amazing! They have really bought into this program and are helping to make it part of the culture at their school. There was one senior that spoke about how critical it was for him to stop listening to everyone else and to listen to his own inner voice being guided by his 24 Character Traits. Very cool stuff! Finally - the decorative hallways. With those traits all over the place, I think that is something we can accomplish in the next couple of years here at Lake Shore High School.

This is a great reminder to all of us (especially to me) that we do affect others with everything we say and do. We affect ourselves with our thinking as well. Other people do indeed matter for sure and it's powerful to remember that along with we ourselves matter!! My definition of success, joy and happiness has been changed for the better due to this project!!

The Sting

8/14/2019

The power of reading great books can be life-changing for sure. "Lead With No Apologies" by Jesse A. Cole, Jr. is one of those books. Find the book HERE. One of the main points I wanted to share today was about having an important conversations with your future self. Sounds a little bit strange, I know. But, it's a really powerful concept to try and wrap your head around too.

Think about what your future self would tell you about things that you did well to get you where you will be in the future. Not this can be for a year, five years, whatever time period you want it to be. But also be ready for the tough feedback you might hear from your future self too. Now i'ts not meant to be embarassing or maybe it is. You see, it will only be for you. Nobody else has to know about it. It's not going to be out there all over social media - only if you put it out there will it be.

Hopefully the things that your future self brings up to you, are things that you already know. It's a way to put some skin into the game about fixing things that you know you should fix. I know as I have this important conversation with my future self, many of them in fact - I know it's leading me in a fantastic direction for my life. I hope it can for you too. Remember, your past is your best mentor. Never forget where you came from too. It's connected to your future more than you think. So when you have that important conversation with your future self, remember you both will know and understand those things from your past. You have either learned lessons from those things or maybe you have not learned the lessons yet. Either way, you have the opportunity to start learning from them. That will make for a brighter future too.

Check out more from Jesse Cole at: https://www.kingdommogulcoaching.com/

Examine Our Lives With Gratitude

8/7/2019

Another amazing event that we had this past weekend that came with more life lessons that made a big impact on me. We went to a fantastic wedding - BIG SHOUT OUT to Kelsey & Cody!! Amazing time with so many awesome people. There were so many of my former students there in attendance - besides the bride & groom being former students too. It reminded me as to how much gratitude I have for these "kids" - I guess they will always be my kids eventhough they are all playing the adult game of life & playing it really well. So many of my former students inspire me with not only what they are doing now with their lives, but they also inspired me when they were in high school too. So many valuable conversations that I had with them throughout their years in school. Many times I got so much positive feedback and encouragement from them, that there was a distinct difference they made in my life.

Combined with some items from Brian Buffini's book again - "The Emigrant Edge", all about gratitude. It should be a core value of our lives as it affects really all that we do. I felt so much gratitude at this weeding. Not only for all the great people around, but mostly because I was with my wife! Going to a wedding in which there are great people, great food & drink, fantastic music, a lot of room to walk around, along with watching my wife enjoy herself so much. I'm blessed with so much gratitude having her in my life - for almost 30 years of marriage.

Another BIG SHOUT OUT to Dr. Jeff Lip and his latest guest, Denyse from Canada. I think it was his best show that he has evver done - please check that out (and all of his shows) at www.jefflip.com I hope that after you listen to this show - that you take a more examined look at your life. These two are just a small part of so many great relationships that I have in my life. They make such a difference for me in my life.

Check out that person in the mirror a little more often and ask yourself - "how are things going?". Then work whatever your answers are. I know I'm trying to do this everyday. It's all part of doing your life's "homework." Reach out and let me know how your homework is going?

It's Time ....

8/3/2019

Wow... what a productive morning today!! I got up with my cup of coffee and our dog sitting on my lap as I finished up another book - "The Bottom of The Pool" by Andy Andrews. What a fabulous book and I knew it would be since I listened to Andy Andrews on 3 different podcasts - 2 as a guest on Brian Buffini's Podcast and the other was on John O'Leary's podcast. The third one of course was on Andy's own podcast - "The Professional Noticer". The discussions I heard about this book sold me on getting a copy.

His book really got me thinking about my thinking! It's everything to me as my thinking affects every thing in my life. You might say duh... that's not a surprise at all. But to hear it from him, to read it in the words that he shared so many stories about this - WOW was all I could say after reading it. That is a book that you want to make sure you get your hands on for sure.

I also watched a video clip this morning sent to me by a good friend, Stan Targosz. He sent it to Dr. Jeff Lip too as the 3 of us had a fabulous meeting this past week in recording a podcast for Jeff's show - again, a must listen to... find it (after August 12, 2019) and all of his podcasts at www.jefflip.com - We had some FANTASTIC and POWERFUL discussion both before and after the show. I walked out of there very excited and fired up about things in my life. A product that usually comes from hanging out with awesome people like Stan and Jeff.

Finally, I got to work out this morning - which I'm back on my schedule of every other day getting to the gym. That also allows me to listen to some great podcasts, do some awesome thinking, and always walking out of there feeling better about life and myself. This morning was no different. Scott Smith (The Daily Boost podcast), https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/motivationtomovecom/daily-boost mentioned about that it's time to become the person you have always wanted to be. To start doing the things that you need to do in order to start making that happen. The little things matter for sure. Changing habits matter. Our thinking matters. Action steps matter! Again, this is something that I know has to happen, but for many reasons (my excuses) they have not happened. Amazing to get re-connected with this again. I needed to hear it!

"Dr. Ron's Words of Wisdom" (https://drronblake.com/welcome-to-dr-rons-words-of-wisdom/) was another podcast that I got to listen to, with help of Sam Crowley. Dr. Ron mentioned that "only the prepared are in a position to change directions". Again, total truth that needed to find it's way into my mind & heart. Taking the action steps, changing my habits, doing little things that become big things!

What a great way to start my day and hope you use this to help yourself out a little.